i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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