they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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