He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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