Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
