I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
