Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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