He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
