No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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