Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I bet he comes in French.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
