your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
