you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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