He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
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