I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
