Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
