First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
