She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
