i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
