Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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