break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Randomize
