yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
