I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
