btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
