is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
