is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
