Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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