Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
