It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You took a bar mat shot.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
