I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
