So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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