I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
