You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
