Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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