Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
