I just saw a hot homeless man
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Mom said you looked used
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Randomize
