Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Randomize
