I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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