would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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