you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
