I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
