Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
