Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
