Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
