He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
