Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
