is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
