I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
