i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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