Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Nicole vs. Life
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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