I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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