brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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