so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
