Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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