you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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